Happy vs Healthy

Yes it is that time of year when families are getting together and couples are holding hands window shopping and children's eyes are glistening taking in all of the possible gifts they are to receive.  I love this time of year because love seems to reign, at least in the circles I am in.  It's wonderful to see...love.  My prayer is that we all will at some point in our lives, experience the truth and openess of pure love be it from our spouse, our mates, our children or our friends.

But today, my focus is on relationships.  Those relationships where two people say, "I love you" and "you are my life" kind of relationships.  Recently, my own personal relationship ended and though it had lasted for around 3 years...it was happy but I found out after the breakup it wasn't...healthy.  We can love someone and be with someone and want to spend the rest of our lives with someone because we "love them" but if we were to take a deep look at that person and really think about what "the rest of our lives" entail, are we just happy without being healthy.

Healthy relationships nurture, they get you through tough times...they lift and they embody.  Healthy relationships also build and they lay solid foundations and they grow.  Healthy people in a relationship love unconditionally and they want what's best for their mate and they encourage and they protect the best interest of their mates.  Healthy people don't keep record of wrong and they don't act petty nor do they punish you for anything you have said or done wrong.  They don't distance themselves and isolate because they are angry.

I can be happy with all of the gifts and surprises you give me but is that healthy?  I can be happy with going places with you and hosting parties with our friends but is that healthy?  I can be happy when people are around saying we are a great looking couple but tell me is that...healthy?  Is it healthy when we are apart you are ok with being alone for days at a time?  Is it healthy when you go out with your friends and the only reason you may come see me on the "off" days is when you have had too much to drink and you cannot...drive home?  Is it healthy for you to always bring up my past mistakes, make me seem like the one with all of the issues while you make yourself look like an angel?  Is it healthy for you to cover up your unfaithfulness by buying me gifts and telling me you want to marry me all the while...never presenting me with a ring?  Is it healthy to want more of you and see less and hear excuses as to why we can't spend more than one day a week together? IS THAT HEALTHY?

Is it healthy for me to go into my pocket and pay for our annual vacations and you just show up going along for the "ride?" Is it healthy for me to feel "happy" in public and unloved and unattractive in private.  Well you know my answer, no.  It wasn't healthy for me, nor is it for you.  Friends, make sure that whomever you are in a relationship with is steady in mind and spirit.  Make sure that their goal is to do everything in their power to keep you happy and to develop and nurture a growing and loving relationship.  Make sure their "I love you" is deep within their hearts and not just "surface" talk.  I needed this cleansing and I hope that this helps some of you who may be in those surface relationships.  Know the difference between being happy and being healthy.  You can and should have both but that surface happiness will not last in an unhealthy relationship.  Be happy and healthy this Christmas season...


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